What can I hate?

Is "don't know" a false?
Or is "I can't do it" a false?
I can't. I don't know how to do it nicely.
Why spoke that?
May be I give you a wrong image of mine from the first time.
Yes, I allow people make fun of me.
But, I am not lowly.
I also will get hurted and feel sad.
I also will feel angry and feel like want to satire, scold you.
But I choose to not scold,not fight, not to show my anger(I tried).
Not because of you are my friends.(I doubt did you take me as a friend)
Just because I am a Christian.
I should not hate, even just inside heart. It is sin.
Yes, I am always happy but it doesn't mean I'm not sensitive.
May be I'm more sensitive than you (just may be)
I'm impulse.
I sure I will take revenge even kill a person if I'm not a Christian.
Where can I evade the sin?
Human's moral is can't compare with the holiness of God.
God, why love me?
How can I hate a person when I knew God forgive and save a person like me?
I know what I did. I can look like kind and good.
However, God know me.
And God still love me.
Thankful.
And what I can hate for?
No.
No one should I hate.
The one I angry was myself.
Why I did that? Why I crime? It is a never end war between Christian and sin.